THE KIND THAT COMES BACK

Many times in my life, I have had to wait:

Wait for the light to turn red before I cross the street (even when there are no cars in sight);

Wait for the drizzling to stop before I step out;

Wait for all the episodes of the series before I sit down and binge-watch.

I have waited for things that took several minutes or hours

I have waited many days for some other things, 

And I have waited many years for some more things.

For you, I have waited much longer

Waited for you to notice me,

Waited for you to tell me you love me,

Waited some more for you to show me that you love me,

And before now, waited for you to come back to me, after everything that has happened

But you're not the kind that comes back

I've been waiting two years, nine months, twenty-three days and about nine hours 

I've been waiting for you to bring back the joy that you took away with you

I've been waiting for you to bring back the parts of me that you took away with you,

But you're not the kind that comes back 

Consider this my last declaration as the girl who's obsessed with you

Consider this the tangible goodbye we did not get to have

Consider this, the memoir of what we have become.

I am not tired of waiting, no.

I just fear that I will wait and wait and end up falling in love with the idea that I have to wait for every good thing in my life.

We were capable of a lot of things,

I just didn't think that we were capable of the most painful goodbye in all of history. We beat Romeo and Juliet; Rose and Jack; Allie and Noah.

As much as I'd love to wait, I cannot afford to 

I have to go learn to cross the street whenever it feels safe to- whether the light is red or green

I have to go smell the rain and feel the drizzle hugging my skin

I have to embrace the feeling of suspense that cliffhangers bring

I have to do all of these, so that fewer things remind me of you.

Maybe you love me

[Scratch that] I hope you still love me

And I hope that you find me when you can, if you want to

But when you do, you won’t find me waiting 

Because as much as I want to, I cannot afford to

Because as much as I'd like to think otherwise, you're just not the kind that comes back.

Mz.Sefa❤️