YOU ARE NOT READY

I'm confused, and my mind is choked.

What are we doing???

I'm beginning to have doubts and my mind is at war with my heart.
This thing that you feel for me, is it love???
I'm not perfect, and I'm a little rough around the edges, so this may be a product of my overthinking.

But what if I'm right?


It's dry season, and golden brown leaves carpet the ground. The trees, which are almost bare, do not seem to get that it is negative feedback to stop shedding their leaves. The leaves continue to fall.

There, on your balcony, you and I sit in silence.

There's so much that has to be said. So much that needs to be said yet no words come to mind.

All I know is that I have to go.

You are not ready for me, for us.

I loved you in the beginning, even when you didn't feel anything for me. I still love you now, even when my heart is in doubt. I know I will, for a long time. But I have to go. You are not ready.

Remember how I’d say, "I love you," and you’d hesitate to say it back??? Yeah. That was when I knew you weren't ready.

How you wouldn't hold my hand and whenever I tried to hold yours, you’d always be on edge. Looking around to see if anyone was watching??? That was when I knew you weren't ready.

Remember how you’d always introduce me to your friends as “just a friend”??? That was when I knew you weren't ready.

How you’d delete my messages to you, everyday so no one chances on them on your phone??? You are not ready.

Even now, as we sit there in silence, I notice you’re uneasy. Perhaps, you’re scared one of your friends will see us and question our “just friend-ship”. You are not ready, baby.

Tears blur my vision but I wipe them with the back of my hands. I open my mouth to say something to you but instead of words, a sob escapes.

You look at me with concerned eyes.

Concern?

Maybe that's the word I've been looking for.

Concern.

You are concerned about me.

Maybe it is not love. Maybe, not yet.

It’s like dè jà vu: something my mind had seen (and in fact was anticipating), but my heart, the fool!

I manage a smile because the reason I’ve come to your house will be easier now.

"I'm leaving the country. I've come to tell you that I leave in the morn. I won't be back in a long while.”

There’s more I want to say, more I need to let off my chest, but oh these tears!

I don’t give you the chance to probe on. Instead, I speed out of your gates.

Unfortunately, I bump into your friend. Things should not get too awkward so I speak up first, wiping the tears from my eyes quickly. " I came to see, my erh....my friend. I came to say goodbye." 

With that, I run off.

 

Mz.Sefa❤️